Discomfort

This week during chapel a faith and international development conference in Grand Rapids, Michigan was presented during announcements--I really don’t remember it being all that informational of an announcement, but was intrigued nonetheless. At first I believed it would be another opportunity that I would pass up; usually the announcements during chapel I sort of set aside because I am busy enough with all the random stuff and events I go to outside of Greenville College events. For some reason I didn’t feel like passing this up though. In the process however, I had some discomfort.

I didn’t really want to go; as much as I want there to be justice, equality, and peace in this world, I questioned what going to a conference like this could legitimately do for me. I had and still do have a lot of schoolwork to do. It would be an inconvenience for me to have to do a bunch of projects, essays, and other miscellaneous assignments in the space of two days instead of a full week. To do so would break routine, to do so would take me away from my room, my roommate and friends, et cetera. I would be even more tired than I already am.

However, I looked at the possibilities and opportunities that the conference could present. “Faith and International Development”-- a couple of things that I care deeply about. My faith is who I am, and international development is something that I want to do with my life. I don’t really know what that means, but I’m concerned for the broken, condemned, and suffering. The conference was almost completely paid for by GCSA, so I would only have to pay $10 to go for a couple days. Meals included! So cheap! I decided that I would go. Why wouldn’t I if it was that cheap?

Before I decided for sure, I went through a period of moderate to severe discomfort. The indecision killed me. The not knowing what was right to do killed me. The internal struggle over what I really want to do with my life bubbled hot at the surface of my soul. I’m a digital media major… do DMers go to mission conferences? Do I really want to be a digital media major? Like I said before, the earthquake in Haiti shook my reality-- it’s no longer so cut and dry as to what I am capable of and where God wants me. All these thoughts were so prevalent before I just signed up and got it over with. Maybe it means that going to this conference is a turning point in my priorities. I can’t put my finger on really what God is doing with me right now. Whatever it is, I’m chill with it.

I think that God puts us in places of discomfort to mold us and shape us and to push us forward. Yes, it's really uncomfortable sometimes. Yes, being comfortable is more emotionally desirable at the time of discomfort. However, in the long run God knows that when we are forced to make decisions, when we are forced to do things for Him, when we must trust in Him and do what he is really calling us to do, it is far more beneficial, glorifying, as well as eternally and currently rewarding.

As I write this on the bus toward Grand Rapids, I trust that God will shape me and use me and form me through whatever happens. I want answers, and I trust God to provide them. More to come soon.